Parents Talk: How Do You Handle Mean, Pushy Parents?

Gary Harris May 28, 2012 at 03:01 pm

Talk about the 'Pot Calling the Kettle Black'. I guess Jody needs the 'the talk'. Using the word 'felony' also brings sadness to many people who have been labeled a 'felon', for nothing wrong other than what any over weight person faces daily. They can not stop. Ask your local law enforcement officer.

Jody Gifford (Editor) May 28, 2012 at 05:30 pm

Thank you for your comment, Gary. I guess I'm unclear about how this is an example of the "pot calling the kettle black." I described this mother's behavior in this way because she appeared embarrassed and ashamed of her young daughter as if the offense was something equal to a felony. She forgot her dance bag. That's nothing to shame or punish her for and her treatment of her as such was excessive and unnecessary.
Can you further explain your reasoning, Gary?

Rick Stamp May 29, 2012 at 04:27 pm

Jody
While I do not condone calling any child stupid, it is hard for me to understand how you can deem the child's behave r "no big deal" . How do you know? Holding children accountable for mistakes is the very essence of make them become responsible,teenagers,and then adults. I don't think you have nearly enough information to question this parent how to raise their children . The parent should be the one to decide what is a big deal, and what is not. I think you should raise your child the way you want to, and re fain from judging others.

Jody Gifford (Editor) May 29, 2012 at 04:47 pm

You're absolutely right, Rick. You should hold a child accountable for their mistakes but the punishment should fit the crime, so to speak. Leaving a pair of tap shoes at home does not constitute calling a child stupid or making her cry. She didn't talk back, she didn't curse or disrespect her mother in any way. She said she forgot her shoes at home. I don't see how that warrants shaming a child. She didn't deserve that. If you talk to a child like that often enough, how does that teach them kindness or respect? It doesn't. It devalues their self-worth.

Jennifer Zeis May 29, 2012 at 05:11 pm

I'm confused as to what an overweight person has to do with this article. Also, if someone is labeled a 'felon', it's usually because they've committed a felony.

Sarah Lacey May 29, 2012 at 05:17 pm

I'm all for "live and let live" parenting and do my best not to judge other parents on what they deem to be best for their family. I don't think you can justify the behavior of this mom as best for anyone. Likely, she was tired, agitated, and the LAST thing she needed that day was to have to go back home, get the dance bag, and then have to drive back. I've even been in that same situation, I've had a kid forget a dance bag. Yep, you are annoyed and frustrated, I know I was at myself AND my child. Why didn't I check that she had the dance bag before we left? Ugh. That being said, I would have not called her stupid, that's the part that's wrong here. The child didn't deserve that, I think is what Jody is saying. There is a time and a place for learning lessons, the mother could have done it at home after dance was over. Work on the child being responsible for packing the bag and getting it to the car. One mistake, especially by a child does not justify what happened here. I'm guessing that the mother would not enjoy hearing someone speak to her in that manner when the inevitable forgetfulness happens to her. One thing I try to always remember and practice: respect is mutual and it is earned. If you don't give it to your children, model it, and expect it in return, you will never get it. I will still try to give the mom the benefit of the doubt here, and hope she was having a rough day and that this behavior is not a daily occurrence in their family.

Maria Houser Conzemius June 1, 2012 at 03:07 pm

I've been known to intervene when I see a controlling bully destroy the self-esteem of their child or children. Why? Because I had it done to me, and I know what it feels like. I confronted a West Branch reserve police officer at Hoover House, or whatever the name of that restaurant used to be in West Branch. He was holding his small daughters' hands down on the table and was screaming at his entire family. The silence, the fear on the faces of the wife, mother, and small children told me everything I needed to know about this man. I confronted him, told him he was a bully, and called the West Branch police chief to ask him why he would have such a man on his force.
"Not everyone goes into law enforcement for the right reasons," I said. The police chief did not answer to my satisfaction. Bullies don't belong in families and don't belong in law enforcement, either.

Maria Houser Conzemius June 1, 2012 at 03:11 pm

Rick Stamp, unfortunately, you've just upheld the kind of behavior that brings your own parenting into question if you are a parent. It takes a village, Rick, to raise a child. Bullying is best done by cowards out of the public eye. When a parent bullies a child in public and devalues them as people, then God only knows what happens in private. It's a bad sign when a bully doesn't know that he or she is one.

Maria Houser Conzemius June 1, 2012 at 03:14 pm

Sarah Lacey, then you walk away from tragedies a lot, don't you? I just went to the wake of a teenager who killed himself because he was so miserable. I tried to intervene and advised the family long ago to get family therapy, but it didn't help. Now they're in family therapy but the boy is dead. That's an awful feeling, for them, for me, and for everyone who tries to help and doesn't succeed in saving a child.