I don't know about you but I was spanked as a child.
Both my mom and dad used spanking as punishment for something one of us kids may have done wrong. It was infrequent, but it was completely effective. Whatever I had done, well, I wasn't going to do it again after a firm swat on the backside.
Still, I swore I would never spank my own children if I had them. I had this idea in my head that I would always be able to calmly discuss the problem at hand and remedy it with just a few strong words or even a timeout.
That's not entirely true.
Children, especially ones under the age of five, lack a certain amount of reason and control over their emotions that make that scenario work 100 percent of the time. Yes, timeouts have been effective in our house, but there are times when they haven't worked at all.
It's frustrating when your child disobeys you or doesn't listen to reason - no question about it. But I can't bring myself to resort to spanking. I want them to understand what they did wrong, not be afraid that I will hit them.
What are your thoughts on spanking? Do you spank? Why or why not? Tell us in the comments.
That said, I am trying to avoid spanking all together and go a different route so it's still a work in progress.
Jody Gifford does the same thing in her initial comment. Why are you running from those parenting practices you find effective?
I refuse to do that to my children. I never want them to be afraid that I will hurt them, no matter to what degree. Do you have children of your own, Mark? Do you spank them?
I guess I have a really hard time believing that swatting your kids' butts from time to time is child abuse — that seems a tad dramatic. I also feel like there's a time and place for every consequence. If your kid is hitting, you obviously don't use spanking to punish them. But for those rare occasions when rationalizing, talking, reasoning (which is easier said than done when we're talking about the receiving party being a four-year-old who's still learning the virtues of patience and paying attention), I think spanking can be justified. I use my own experience as an example. I never feared my parents — the fear came in the consequence, immediately followed by the realization there were things I myself could have done to prevent it. And there you have it — the underlying lesson. At least for me.
Also, you could possibly see a correlation between our generation swearing off spanking with kids and the out of control children being produced... there is very little respect for rules and authority from a lot of children because they know there are no real consequences. Parents are so worried about wanting to be friends with their kids instead of raising them to be good people. Some kids don't need spanked but I don't think it should be ruled out.
The only time i have spanked my children is after they have done something in which has caused harm to another. Now, i agree that hitting a child and telling them not to hit, may seem counter productive. However, when my youngest child hit her older sister and made her cry, I felt that one good swap was necessary. However, it also came with a life lesson. I asked them if the spanking hurt. When they replied "yes", i told them that's how your sister felt when you hit her. You don't like that feeling do you, well neither did your sister. Needless to say, they don't hit each other anymore. That was a one time lesson, and it seemed to be effective.They may argue over items from time to time, but they don't hit each other. Also, the warning of a spanking usually stops any argument enough that we can discuss the situation at hand and take care of it.
And for the record, I am just curious as to what other alternatives you have considered in the event that the current course of discipline ever starts to fail.
Jody, were you afraid of your parents? From what you said you only received a spanking if you had done something "really bad" and you learned from it. Seems like you felt responsible for your own behavior and consequences. My experience is that most people had/have good relationships with their parents who spanked. Why do you think you would be different?
My mother used to hit me with a belt. I was honestly scared, as she would be yelling and at least to me, seemed to be out of control at times. It didn't seem to work very well as I think I would get hit every couple of weeks, maybe more. On the contrary, when my grandmother watched me, she would simply tell me that she was disappointed in me and ask me if I wanted her to watch me or should she tell my parents that I didn't want to stay with her. I learned to behave myself with my Grammy because I loved her so much and I wanted to please her. My mother hit me until I reached 14 years old. On that last day, I held her wrists looked her in the eyes and told her, no more, from now on talk to me and I will listen. We got along much better after that. My Grammy died 25 years ago and I have to say this, the only person that I miss so much that I shed a sentimental tear over is my Grammy, even after all these years. Patience and kindness is a much better way to show your kids that you love them and makes them better human beings.