Happy Fourth of July, aka Independence Day! I hope that you have found a way to beat the heat today and still celebrate all things red, white, and blue.
One of the things I loved most about living in Pennsylvania was being in the proximity of many, many historical sites. Here in Iowa, we're making modern history by being the first state to allow gay marriage, but we're not nearly as steeped in the history of the beginnings of our country. It makes me wish that I could get to places in the world where the history of humanity started. If those paces weren't torn asunder by war, financial ruin, and natural disaster. Hello, Mesopotamian Valley and Greece.
So, in honor of Independence Day, here are my Independence Day Wishes. Yes, I'm aware that there is no such tradition as making a wish and blowing out a sparkler, but here are my wishes nonetheless:
1. That the weeds in my flower beds and garden would declare independence, flee, and form their own colony somewhere. Just not in my yard. I am pretty sure that someone has a vacant lot somewhere in need of clover and dandelions. I’ll find one and signal the weeds, maybe like Paul Revere.
2. That the clutter in my house would declare itself free from my tyranny, flee, and form its own colony somewhere. They could call it "West Cluttterland" or something. When you’re making your own colony, you can name it anything that you’d like.
3. That our laundry would protest stain removal without representation and flee to the safety of the colonies also known as closets. There would be no tax assessed to clothing provided it jumped onto the hangers in a neat and orderly fashion.
4. That we will turn the tide of the infestation of Japanese beetles in our garden without having to resort to dropping the bomb. And that the insects, the first insects at whom I have sworn real curse words loud enough for my neighbor to hear, will flee and colonize elsewhere. Maybe back in Japan. I’m not a “go back to where you came from kind of person” except in the case of insects that have destroyed my broccoli.
5. That we should be able to order rain when it is needed. Is it really too much to ask that the right to rain be declared in the Bill of Rights. Would anyone object to this? I’m guessing not this week, anyway. Unless you’ve been flooded, in which case you should demand a dry spell. So, why isn’t perfect weather a right?
It should be written into the constitution of the United States of America that if you have four children aged 7 and under, you should be exempt from functioning as a proper adult and should never be ridiculed for any incoherent babblings you choose to post online, like in your blog. Nor should anyone laugh when you accidentally inhale a smidge of the rather large swig of coffee you just took, especially when the aspiration causes you to choke and spray said mouthful of coffee all over your bathroom mirror, counter top and sink. Bonus points for cleaning it up while still gasping for breath...
Vive la independence!